Every college relationship encounters hurdles that just seem impossible to overcome. Girls, if you’re unlucky, these obstacles might become a part of a routine you know all too well. Sometimes you and your boy talk it out and work through the problems; other times, you two may decide to break it off. Here’s some advice on what to do after that long fight you had with him about (insert reason here):
- DO confront him firmly, but calmly, after you realize there is a problem. Whether or not you enjoy confrontation, talking about an issue that surfaces in your relationship is necessary. Remember that problems do not go away; they may only get pushed aside until a later date. The sooner you open up and talk to him about it, the better.
- DON’T break up with him in the heat of the moment. A couple can only break up and get back together so many times in a relationship before it gets old and people (including him) start to see your break up as a joke. He may not take you seriously if you break it off everytime you guys hit a rough patch, so always take a step back after an argument and think before you act. If you need to, walk out of the room or away from him to refrain from saying something you might regret.
- DO communicate, even if you are fighting. After all, he is still your guy and you need to let him know why you are upset. Giving him the cold shoulder will not solve the problem, but if he is willing to reach out to you, then you should give him the chance to tell his side of the story. Remember, boys find it harder to swallow their pride than we do, so if he is willing to be rational about a difficult situation, then kudos to him.
- DON’T overlook the problem because you want to avoid a break up. Even though you should not break up with him on a whim, you need to stand your ground and let it be known that you are not a pushover. The little mistakes add up and if you push them aside thinking that they are no big deal, he will continue to think that way too, and his behavior will not change. He should know that everything he does somehow affects you too.
- DO know the appropriate time to talk to him. If he is studying for his Organic Chemistry midterm that is happening in a few hours, do not approach him with something that will take his mind off the different types of hydrocarbons that exist. You would not want him talking to you about something that seems so trivial compared to the test that is going to make or break your grade, so put yourself in his shoes and hold off on what you have to say until after the exam. No matter how mad you are, do not punish his grades because his parents worked hard to earn the tuition money that is putting him through school.
- DON’T be overbearing and complain all the time. You are naturally more emotional than he is, but whining about every little imperfection in the relationship will only annoy him. Instead, judge whether the issue is something that deserves the attention of a serious conversation and make sure to have a plausible solution that is mutually beneficial. That way, he will tend to see things more your way or, at the very least, understand where you are coming from.
Keep in mind that everybody is unique and every relationship is different. This list of do’s and don’t’s merely serves as a guide. Turn to your family and friends for advice as well. The more you know, the more confident you will be in whatever way you decide to handle the situation. Good luck!