Are you co-habitating with your partner and not legally married? Then here are some things regarding money you should know.
1. Secret bank account
Think only the rich of the world keep secret bank accounts? Think again. According to a 2011 National Endowment for Financial Education/Forbes study, fifteen percent of married people have a bank account they keep hidden from their spouses, Usually the reasons for this secret account are innocent enough, such as opening the account before they were married. Some individuals open a secret bank account when they’re planning for a divorce to better hide their savings. But check the laws of your State as this sometimes won’t even matter. Most everything comes out in a divorce whether you want it to or not.
2. Office Spouse
She remembers your birthday, she knows you like Thai on Tuesdays, she even knows about the marital troubles your parents are having. But here’s the catch — she’s not your wife. About one in three men have an “office spouse” — a colleague he is close to, but in a platonic way, according to a 2010 survey by career site Vault.com. “The role it serves is to give the working partners someone with whom they can share office secrets, exchange support and be companions on the job.”
Often, the relationships are completely harmless, especially when individuals are open about it with their spouses. But other times, it can be the source of immense jealousy for a partner, especially if she thinks her spouse is sharing too much with a co-worker. It is considered indfidelity. And that infidelity can hurt. Although both sexes experience jealousy over emotional infidelity, women tend to view it as an even worse betrayal than sexual infidelity. Also the problem with this situation, although it starts out innocently, is that if and when there is friction in the marriage the “office spouse” becomes the affair, 98.2% of the time.
3. Hiding things
For years my mother would hide what she bought from my step-father. If or should I say when he found out she bought something new my mother was harrased and abused, he would say hurtful things like “your too fat for that outfit” or why did you waste my money on something that ugly.” (Truth be told, she always made much more money then he did anyway) So she would hide things from him and honestly I don’t blame her. He was a very verbally abusive man.
Nearly one in three people in married relationships have misrepresented what a purchase has cost to a partner, and 30% have lied about buying something, according to a 2010 American Express survey. Often, the motivation is to avoid conflict. Most couples have a good sense of where [each other’s] values and beliefs around money and spending are. This can make it easier to lie, mislead or purposely avoid sharing information that is likely to lead to an argument. And the results of such lying can be disastrous, both emotionally and financially.
4. More money
While some people may inflate their compensation to make themselves seem more attractive, others actually go the other way by hiding bonus checks or pay from a side job. About one in ten married individuals said they have lied to their partner about how much they earned. And younger couples are doing the bulk of the lying: Nearly one in four people aged 18-to-34 admit to lying to their spouse about money, while just 3% of adults 55 and older do. Some people lie about their earnings because they like to have a “just-in-case stash of money” that they can use for whatever they want. Other people are afraid that if the spouse knows about the extra money, like a bonus, he or she will spend it. Such lying can lead directly to divorce court, Most of the time, there’s a paper trail of these things so it comes out in court … people find out some horrible things.”
Forty-one-year-old Bill, says he loves his wife, but it’s his mistress who gets all the pricey gifts. He gave his 26-year-old mistress an iPad and took her on a $2,500 ski vacation at a ski resort in Vail, Colo., for Christmas last year. His wife’s gift: An espresso machine. The reason he spent more on his mistress, he says, is that she’s still “in the spoiling stage.” He says he no longer spoils his wife of 12 years, opting instead for “group gifts” for the whole family.
About 15-to-18% of married Americans 98% men, 2% women, admit they’ve had an extramarital affair — a rate that’s stayed relatively steady for the past couple decades — according to the General Social Survey, which tracks extramarital affairs. And not only are married couples cheating, they’re spending a lot of their hard-earned cash on their lovers.
Goodluck with your money matters and remember that open communication, honesty and trust is essential for a strong, healthy and lasting relationship. If you live in the Sacramento, CA area there are classes on finances offered at local colleges and H & R Block offers them during certain times of the year.
Till next time,