Did you know that the history of the engagement, at some point in history, was primarily a result of an arranged marriage in the works, and the engagement periods would last for very long periods of time? Thankfully, today, arranged marriages are extremely few and far between, and weddings now take place daily, as well as divorces. The purpose of this article is to provide couples, engaged or not, an opportunity to know exactly what they are getting into before they actually take those steps down the aisle. In relationships, couples need to ask certain questions to know whether or not marriage is the right option for them. With divorce rates soaring at rocket highs, it is important to know the answer to some important questions, before it’s all finalized. The following are a list of questions that should be asked (answered).
1. Why are we getting married?
In today’s day and age, it is very common for marriages to occur as a result of pregnancy, finances, or simple boredom. Obviously, these are not successful reasons to go into a marriage that is supposed to last forever. According to pregnancyoutreach.org, 90% of teens that marry as a result of a teen pregnancy will be divorced within six years. While this statistic is focused on teens, the statistics aren’t much higher for adults either. Some good reasons to marry someone you are in a relationship are as follows:
· We are in a stable relationship, and have been for some while
· When I am around them, they make me feel better about myself
· We want the same things in life and we want them together
· We have discussed our future and we know what we want
· We are financially stable and finances are not an issue for us
· We can always count on each other
· We have a stable home environment
· We love each other and want to spend our lives together
2. What do we want out of life, as both a couple and individuals?
If you ask your significant other this question and the answer is completely different from what you want out of life, the odds are that the relationship either won’t last or will be unhappy. It is very important for both persons to want the same things, or at least want to be very comprisable so a happy medium can be reached from both sides. This is for both what is wanted as a couple and as individuals, it is unhealthy to be in a relationship where one person wants certain life goals as an individual and the other person in the relationship does not support those goals.
3. Where do we see ourselves in 15-20 years?
This goes back to the question, what do we want out of life, if you ask this question and the answer is not anything near what you want or see, then either compromises need to be made or the relationship may not be on a good road to success.
4. What values does each person want to bring to the marriage?
This is extremely important. Each person in the relationship needs to be sure to bring special value to the marriage. For example, if one person wants to bring a grounded lifestyle and the other wants to bring a high maintenance lifestyle, the values may not be the same. Another example is religion, if one person is significantly religious and wants to bring those values into the marriage, if the other person is anti-religion, there could be some serious problems in the long run.
5. Should we spend all of our free time together?
Quality time in a marriage is one of the most important factors, especially in the future when children come into play. But every single ounce of free time spent with your significant other could get very old, very quick to someone who isn’t used to that or doesn’t want that. It is important for the couple to understand their boundaries on free time, things that can become a factor is jealousy, trust, anger, and resentment. If one person wants to spend every second with the other and the feelings are not returned, it could lead into some major issues for the marriage.
6. How big of a part will our in-laws play in our relationship, and how often will we be with them?
In-laws are a very fun part of a marriage. Actually, in-laws can be a deal breaker for some folks and it is of utmost importance to establish these ground rules as soon as marriage is a possibility, if not sooner. If one of the persons in the marriage or relationship wants to always spend time with their family and the other doesn’t, there could be a problem. The couple needs to lay the ground rules on when they should see each other’s families and when not to, this includes simple weekend events to the big ol’ Family Christmas Bash. Everything needs to be organized and covered fully!
7. Will you clean the toilet?
In the “good ol’ days” it was unheard of for the man of the house to do any form of chore, however this is the twenty-first century and the men are no better than the women. No one person in the relationship needs to feel that they are above the other and unless one of the individuals in the relationship always wants to clean the toilets it is important to know that either person is just as okay with cleaning the toilet as they are using it. Not just using the toilet in the conversation, it is important to know that regardless of the situation, your significant other is always going to be there for you and you are on an equal level with them. That is one of the most important pieces of a marriage.
Marriage is an important commitment that should never be taken lightly. If you are looking for a successful and life long, happy marriage, take some time to really evaluate the situation and be 100% sure that marriage is the best option with the person you are with.