What if you weren’t raised to have any expectations of the opposite sex, meaning no one ever taught or told you what you needed and deserved, and you based your expectations on what you saw around you, whether good or bad?-SS
Isn’t the question above one that many people often ponder? Or at least it is one that many should ponder. How often have you heard “I want a relationship like my parents/grandparents?” Too often people want what they have no real knowledge of with respect to someone else’s relationship.
If you discovered that your grandfather was a prolific cheater, but your grandmother just kept quiet about it, would you still want that type of relationship? If you found out that your grandmother was abusive behind closed doors, but your grandfather never let on, would you still want that relationship?
Sometimes the expectations people have were created based on perception and not reality. So they go through life with inhuman expectations for very human, very fallible people.
A gentleman once said that his then girlfriend anticipated he would be a great husband because her father was, and he has so much in common with her father. What was one of the things they had in common? Cheating. So she put up with it.
Then there are men and women who had very bad experiences with the opposite sex, never saw anything good occur, so they anticipate the same for all experiences they will have in the future. So their poor expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. This happens, not because all women or men or bad, but because the person acts according to his or her own poor perceptions.
For all those things that your parents did or did not teach you, there are a number of things you must learn on your own. You cannot blame another person for all of the negatives in your dating relationships. You certainly do not always reward them for the good things.
Good dating is a learned and conditioned behavior. Good relationships come from two people willing to work to first rid themselves of negative baggage that destroys relationships, and to attain positive attributes that solidify good relationships.
We would all love to have guidance in choosing the perfect mate for us. Too bad love doesn’t come with a roadmap for everyone, right? Well here are a few things that may better your search:
- Stop choosing people based on irrational ideals of manhood/womanhood. Choose based on the character of the man/woman and compatibility.
- Forgive and forget your past, at least to the point that you can function in a healthy manner.
- Communicate exactly who you are and what you desire.
- Get to know the whole person you are dating. Be hesitant to jump into relationships with “representatives”.
- Be realistic. Your grandmother/grandfather and father/mother were not saints who did no wrong. Even if they were, you still have to have attainable expectations. At this point you are grown, and you should be adult enough to understand that people are different and have different experiences