Rarely does anyone steal a scene from Ellen, but on today’s show, even she knew it was best to just sit back and let things go when Gary Busey stopped by to share a visit/glimpse into an alternate reality. Clad in cammo pants and black shirt, Busey walked in looking strikingly similar to madmen Doc Hawkins, the malicious organizer of a woodland gladiator-style manhunt he played in the 1994 film Surviving the Game—that is, until he started doing in obligatory Ellen show intro-style what began as something like a confused dirty dancing hula, moved quickly into a side shuffle or sideways trip, progressed not smoothly into Uma Thurman’s cat-eye move from the Buddy Holly scene in Pulp Fiction, and finished with a glorious prance that could have been either an impression of an angry Clydesdale or a hallucination he was walking on hot coals.
Ostensibly there to promote this season of The Celebrity Apprentice, on which he is one of the main attractions, says Ellen, Busey’s segment started with a highlight reel of his moments on the show, including clips of him doing the Robot, singing like a pirate to rapper Lil Jon, and sharing his “Buseyisms,” with anyone nearby. “I take the letters of the word that spell the word and create a definition of the word,” he told a bewildered Ivanka Trump. “L-U-C-K-Y Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly.” Across lunch with singer and co-competitor Meatloaf, “Finding Ourselves Really Giving Individuals Valuable Energy is to forgive,” he said knowingly.
One giant caveat, Ellen quickly shared after the clips, is the story of how Busey endured a near-fatal motorcycle accident, not subtly suggesting this to be the cause for his a) crazy-eyed looks and b) being crazy. “When did that happen, again?” asked Ellen, as if recent head trauma could hopefully explain this all away. “It was 1988,” he said. “I hit my head into a curb and had a hole in my skull the size of a fifty cent piece,” holding up his fingers in a small coin-sized ring long enough for the audience to wonder if the accident actually occurred in 1888, back when fifty cent pieces were used by anyone. “I passed away, quit living, quit functioning physically, after the surgery,” Busey explained, “and went to a special place.” We assume he doesn’t mean Celebrity Apprentice.
Like Ghandi with an inhalant addiction, Busey went on to share more refrigerator magnet-worthy quotes on a variety of topics.
On his response strategy to his teammates “conspiracy” to oust him from the show: I work in a very mysterious way, where they don’t see me coming, and they don’t understand what I’m saying, but I know that—that they don’t.
On what he’s learned from participating on the show: We all think we have enemies, but your enemies are here to show you things you need to change about yourself. So in the truth of it all, enemies are just friends in reverse.
Attempting to make some sense of it all, Ellen opines: I think it is probably hard for people to be around you because, like you just said, you don’t get in your own way, but unfortunately for them you’re in their way, because they don’t understand—
Gary: No, they think I’m in their way.
Gary: That’s the trick.
Gary: It’s mysterious.
Ellen: Do you want to get in their way? Are you trying to get in their way sometimes? Are you playing the game?
Gary: Oh no, no, no, I don’t have to get in their way because they’re in their own way.
Ellen. They’re in their own way.
Gary: Yeah, and I’m just watching the happening crumble like a bad cookie on Christmas.
Kind of like how watching Gary Busey is, as he puts it, Finally Understanding Nothing.