This person is consumed by feelings of being inadequate and the need to please others, some have vioelent fantasies, some seek revenge. They are empty and lonely, resentufl and bitter, the depth of the pain of anyone caught up in sexual addiction is great.
When the pain erupts into their life, they push it away, and use craving sex or looking for potential sex partners, to numb what they feel. They live in despair and rage, trying to get their needs met by moving from one encounter to the other, only finding temporary relief. Because the craving is not for sex, it is for something deeper, more significant, meaning, purpose and value.
The sexual addicte can be enveloped by these thoughts almost every waking minute or they can be in the background until a potential partner appears. The partner is seen by the addict as the one who holds the key to the hole in their empty life. They go from one pareson to the next on a search for satisfaction.
This craving lies beneath the sexual craving, when it is not recognized, it causes sexual attractions to others in the same circumstance, weakness is drawn to weakness. Each is to the other in hopes that the other can remove the pain from his or her life. their are breif moments of relief from the craving but it always returns. This tells us that there is more to sexual addiction than sex.
The sex addict feels unloved, without worth, frightened, unwanted, they scan everyone in the room as a potential, another person that feels as powerless as they do. They feel sexuallly attracted, not unloved or unwanted. They need to use the other person to create releif if only for a moment, from their excruciating pain of powerlessness.
They can not see that the other person is using them in the same exact way. They can not see the need to exploit another in themself. They use each other to feel worthy. If they could rise above this and see clearly what the reality is of the situation they would be repulsed by it.
The addiction to pornography is the same thing, it replaces actual sexual interactions, there is no interest in the vulnerability, challenges, fears and joys of another person. The complex and difficult human life is ignored, no emotional involvement.
The more unworhty they feel the more powerful the attraction to sex they feel. A sexual addict is repulsed by people that are whole and secure, they can not find in that secure person what it is that they need-weakness that they can prey on- to feel powerful and worthy.
What lies beneath sexual addiction is the important issue, the painful emotions are calling for attention. Indulging in the addiction avoids the issue. Avoiding painful emotions prevents exploration of their causes. Without awareness their causes can not be changed, and the pain remains.
Burying painful emotions is like burying dynamite. They will explode, anger, rage, frustration, jealousy, despair, vengefulness and every other form of fear.
A loving relationship is mutual giving, not mutual taking and sexual partners are not interchangeable. Their sexual interactions are sacred to to each other, it deepens your emotional connection. Their history, joys, struggles and aspirations interest you.
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