We 40+ women want to go out and enjoy life, meet men and date. But, as we all know, the majority of us are dating with the the purpose finding a spouse. The thing is, we are at a point in our lives where we don’t play “Dating Games.” Translation, we don’t wear breath restricting foundation garments, act like we need bowling tips, pretend to let men teach us how to shoot pool, and only eat salads or order the cheapest thing on the menu. We know who we are and we know what we want, so how can we be selective without being looked upon as a snob, a gold digger , or hard to please, yet still make it clear that we do not go for the okie doke? Here are five tips to help you weed out the chumps, and wrangle the champs.
- Detecting his potential: Ladies, when we were teenagers in high school, we sought out boys who had potential just like mother taught us. However, at 40 plus+, the men we seek for marriage or long-term commitment are more than likely 40+ as well. Let’s be for real. If a man is in our age bracket, he has reached his full potential. Whoever and whatever he is, is whoever and whatever he is. It does not get any better. If he has not established himself by now, it is not going to happen, and most of us don’t have the time or the patience for that kind of foolishness. We are not about to get off the sofa or un-ass a barstool at 9:45 p.m. to pick up a man that long in the tooth from his job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart.
- Dress the part: You attract what you portray. If you are on the hunt for participants for your catch, tag, and release for migratory purposes program, then by all means sister, hang your bait. However, if you’re looking for a husband, he needs to see how his wife will represent him. Come on, you can’t dress like the whore of Babylon and get upset when he doesn’t accompany you to a church function or invite you to the 95th birthday party for his Nanna! And don’t forget, in this economy if you are not financially stable, you may have to seek employment, and just because you might not have connected socially, he may be able to hire or recommend you to a colleague so you don’t want to look like the topic of office chatter.
- Maintain your composure: You may occasionally go out for cocktails and tapas and that is just fine. There’s no better way to shake the dust off. However, please limit your beverages if they contain alcohol, remember your table manners (even if your are alone), and keep a surplus of napkins and wet naps handy. You see, even though from time to time you actually do meet a real man who can appreciate a gal with a healthy appetite that likes beer with her buffalo wings, he does not like one with sauce on her blouse that can’t hold her liquor.
- Footloose: not: You are not in a Kevin Bacon movie nor are you in “Dirty Dancing.” You can have have fun dancing and enjoy the music being played, but what you can not do is shimmy, shake, roll, moan, gyrate, bump, grind, and drop it like it’s hot, then get offended when he invites you out his backseat in the parking lot.
- Start how you want to finish: If you don’t want to wind up doing everything for a man, don’t start out doing everything for a man. You may think that you are showing him one of your many qualities as a woman by offering to make him dinner at your house and renting a dvd instead of him spending “all that money to go out.” That move will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. Next year, instead of him booking the Valentine’s Day Weekend Package, you will be barbequing steaks on the grill for him with that special sauce of yours that he likes so much. If he can’t take you out, why should you take him in?