Charlie Sheen may feel like he’s all alone, but the truth is there’s a special kind of support group out there designed just for “special” people like him.
No–not those frowning masturbators from Alcoholics Anonymous that he so despises–a different group of masturbators altogether: Howard Stern’s inimitable Wack Pack.
Charlie Sheen live webcast debut: winning? (photos, video)
Check out five reasons why Charlie Sheen belongs in The Wack Pack, the most prestigious and celebrated group of social deviants in radio history:
1. If the Wiki fits,…:The official Wack Pack Wikipedia entry describes the group as individuals who “tend to be unusual in some way such as being blatantly racist, mentally disabled, perverted or having a comical voice, appearance or ability.”
2. Positions Available: Of course, NO one wants to admit that Crackhead Bob is REALLY gone, but eventually it’s okay to love again. It’s even healthy. And from the recent in-studio stories relayed by three of Sheen’s porn star girlfriends, the Two and a Half Men star has smoked more rocks than Mount St. Helens.
SNL Charlie Sheen spoof is way more entertaining than ‘Sheen’s Korner’ (video)
3. Intergalactic Warlock + KKK Imperial Wizard= Best Friends 4 Eva: If there’s one guy who can relate to the Winning Intergalactic Wizard Charlie Sheen’s frustrations with the “Haim Levines” of the world, it’s this former KKK Grand Dragon and veteran Wack Packer Daniel Carver.
4. One and Two Half Men: If Charlie Sheen really wants to stick it to Chuck Lorre, he’ll recast his own version of Two and a Half Men starring himself and Eric the Actor in the role he was born to play: Jon Cryer.
What? Did you think he was going to be the “Half Man”? As if there’s anyone out there that could bring the sensitivity and youthful exuberance to the role better than Beetlejuice? Duh! Winning (as can)!
Howard Stern Show Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant photos
5. Three Words: Goddess Crazy Alice – Since Bree Olson is rumored to have flown the coop at “Sober Valley Lodge,” Charlie Sheen is down to a single goddess. And let’s face it, have any of Charlie Sheen’s recent panoply of porn stars really been able to appreciate his knack for screaming the “n word” at the top of his lungs? Maybe if Crazy Alice had been locked in the Plaza Hotel bathroom “that night,” Charlie could have gotten a little support.
The Greatest Howard Stern Show Wack Packers of all time (photos, video)
Follow the Howard Stern Examiner on Twitter and Facebook
Want email updates on Howard Stern? Subscribe here
The Howard Stern Examiner recommends: The Long Shot Podcast